Almost. Almost, almost.

Sorry I freaked out on you yesterday.

I managed to amass 2000 words on the story for Booth, problem is they've spread themselves out over every corner of the room. And over two boroughs. I am at the very height of disorganization with this thing. I need another full day of work on it to make it readable, forget about good.

I've been at work for hours, and I've neglected to do anything, really.

FAWM starts tomorrow, and I do have a goal of posting something on the first day. Having to work all day tomorrow, I'm not sure how that's going to happen. I'm obsessively checking the forums, being as unproductive as I've been at any point.

Must go home and look for my magic wand.

*****

John Martyn died a couple of days ago.

It made me think of M., and days spent lounging and listening to music in Woodford Green. M. was doing some work with Beverly at the time; she had more sad stories to tell about her time with John than happy, it seemed.

M. and I, in bathrobes, watched video of a BBC documentary on John which interspersed older concert footage with current footage of him in a pub somewhere in Scotland. John was fumbling around like Santa Claus on his day off, red and hypertensive, clearly off his face. He was having a good time joshing around, but there was something slightly uncomfortable in the watching.

The concert footage, though, was priceless. He managed to make an electric guitar sing, as easy and as delicately as an acoustic. No small feat.

RIP,
j.

I am suddenly. A mess.

It's amazing how quickly my spirits can deflate.

I spent today futzing. Fritzing. Putzing.

Well, that's not exactly true. I read the story for critique, called "Allegiance". Masterful piece of work that is.

I started writing my story for Booth, and immediately realized there's no way, no how I'm going to do this justice. Like, ten words in, I just wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. The idea is still appealing to me...I just need a way...in. It's funny, how easy it is for me to knock off thousands upon thousands of words during Novel Writing Month. And now that it matters what words I'm putting down, I'm stressing out just reaching 1000 words.

(when the goal is about 3000.)

And it's worse than that - I've neglected laundry, I've neglected shopping.

I even tried writing at songs today, and every little thing I'm hearing sounds boring and trite.

Gnn!

I.
Am.
Nauseous.

What's going to happen?

j.

Today I'm writing. And thinking of Toni.

Alright - time to get back into the daily blogging.

Today, I am doing my writing assignments for class. It's not yet noon, I've got the day ahead of me, and three assignments to complete before I can forget about class for the week and think about FAWM.

This week's lesson was about character. I'm supposed to write a 500 word piece based loosely around an interesting character I know. I'm also supposed to do a practice critique on a reading that we received.

And then, there's the 15 page piece I'm supposed to write to submit next week. Eep!

I have ideas. Dare I say, good ones? Not exactly sure what I'm doing, but here goes.

Also, the more I find out about Toni Morrison, the more I love. How have I lived so long without her?

jul

What am I doing?

Okay.

(Happy 2009 by the way.)

FAWM is here in a few days. I have a moose-load of ideas all queued up and ready for the starter's gun. I'm thinking I want to try to put something up on the first day, even though I'm working that day. Hm.

BUT.

Today I also started my creative writing class. Ten weeks. And, I signed up to have a 15 page story grilled next week.

A story I haven't written yet.

It's going to be an interesting month.

j.

The TGIO.

The Thank God It's Over party at Ryan Maguires was fun: loud chat, tarot readings, stout cake, caramel brownies, chocolate blobs, Vodka drinks and cajun fries. Got to put a lot of faces to names. Avi and Mel just about convinced me to take a Fiction Writing class at Gotham Writers.

I found an incredible book called the 3AM Ephipany, full of "back door" writing exercises. This book is a warm needle into my subconcious, Brian Kiteley whispers sweetly to my inner self every sentence. After many months of watching the book on my shelf, I took it out and finally started doing the first exercise, The Reluctant I. Six hundred words in the first person, in which "I" "me" or "my" is said only twice. Hm.

I've done several warm up writing sessions, and now have to put the final together.

My new mission is: getting all my Christmas shopping done THIS WEEK. I'm often sending out Christmas presents the second week of January. But I'm determined to have wrapped boxes under trees at a reasonable hour this year.

There's a new musical project knocking my door down. This is good, I need to make more music.

It's cold,
jul

NaNo - Day 30. Done.

So, it's just gone 9pm, and I've struggled over the finish line, at 54,037 words.

I have 123 pages in front of me, hot out of the printer. I will bind this, and probably never look at it again. The story might be salvageable. I dunno. Can't think about it now.

I do feel like doing some celebratory eating.

Speaking of celebratory eating, I went down to North Carolina for Thanksgiving. My sister has a house down there, and so we all (my brother and his girlfriend, my mom, and my sister and her kids) congregated for food and Phase 10. I am pretty crap with babies, as my four month old nephew demonstrated. He's adorable, but given to vomiting. Or maybe that's just in my imagination. My seven year old nephew is capable of full conversations at this point. My sister's house is never, ever silent.

On thanksgiving day a couple of my sister's friends came over, a ranking officer who was to deploy to Iraq in a matter of hours, his wife, a medic in the army who would deploy in two weeks, and their young daughter. I watched them laugh and talk, while feeling...fear, I guess it was...for them at the back of my throat. Families must be saying goodbye all the time. I don't know how they deal with that life. I deal with it in part, I worry for my sister and I worry for her boys.

I'm seeing what I can cook up for December, project-wise. There's going to be something. Jodes and I are meeting tomorrow to plot and plan.

Congratulations, all you writers.

jules

NaNo - Day 26. Headed out.

Headed down to North Carolina for a couple of days.

Happy thanksgiving to you and yours.

jules

NaNo - Day 25.

I wrote today, completely without intending to. Added another 3K, bringing the total up to 44K. Just about halfway through the outline.

But, I have eight hours on planes over the next three days. The world can be accomplished in that amount of time, as far as NaNo is concerned.

Watched BallyKissAngel all day. Stephen Tompkinson is a hottie. I like Northern Lads. Would love to freak someone out with my Irish accent.

I'm headed down to North Carolina to spend Thanksgiving with my family, meet my tiny nephew. I hope someone's bringing the Uno cards.

Today I wished I was more dry and cynical, but now I'm thinking the better of it.

happy holidays,
jul

NaNo - Day 22. Taking it Easy.

I didn't write a word after my 10K yesterday.

I left my home and went out and had fun.

First at the NaNo gathering in midtown, I got some caramel brownies and some vegan coconut cake.

And then I watched Chris do comedy, at a beautiful little theater around the corner. Funny.

I picked up Jonathan Franzen's book of essays: How to be alone. I am reading it and enjoying it very much, if "enjoying" is the word for it. Existence is difficult, creative reach is difficult. I appreciate when people tell the truth about it.

This morning I walked into my deli and there was Duran Duran on the sound system. The Reflex, then A View to a Kill, then Ordinary World. I walked out, with breakfast, floating.

My head is being retooled. I want to have fun today. This may or may not involve writing.

j.

NaNo - Day 21. Challenge Check In #3.

Okay, an additional 2,315 words, to make 10,704 total. I'm over the hump!

I originally wanted to be done by now (3pm). There's still 6,296 to go.

Seven scenes left, but I can write at about 1000 per scene and be good to go. Yay.

I am going to break for a pop tart, and more 15 Storeys High.

woot,
jul