Almost. Almost, almost.

Sorry I freaked out on you yesterday.

I managed to amass 2000 words on the story for Booth, problem is they've spread themselves out over every corner of the room. And over two boroughs. I am at the very height of disorganization with this thing. I need another full day of work on it to make it readable, forget about good.

I've been at work for hours, and I've neglected to do anything, really.

FAWM starts tomorrow, and I do have a goal of posting something on the first day. Having to work all day tomorrow, I'm not sure how that's going to happen. I'm obsessively checking the forums, being as unproductive as I've been at any point.

Must go home and look for my magic wand.

*****

John Martyn died a couple of days ago.

It made me think of M., and days spent lounging and listening to music in Woodford Green. M. was doing some work with Beverly at the time; she had more sad stories to tell about her time with John than happy, it seemed.

M. and I, in bathrobes, watched video of a BBC documentary on John which interspersed older concert footage with current footage of him in a pub somewhere in Scotland. John was fumbling around like Santa Claus on his day off, red and hypertensive, clearly off his face. He was having a good time joshing around, but there was something slightly uncomfortable in the watching.

The concert footage, though, was priceless. He managed to make an electric guitar sing, as easy and as delicately as an acoustic. No small feat.

RIP,
j.

I am suddenly. A mess.

It's amazing how quickly my spirits can deflate.

I spent today futzing. Fritzing. Putzing.

Well, that's not exactly true. I read the story for critique, called "Allegiance". Masterful piece of work that is.

I started writing my story for Booth, and immediately realized there's no way, no how I'm going to do this justice. Like, ten words in, I just wanted to curl up into a ball and disappear. The idea is still appealing to me...I just need a way...in. It's funny, how easy it is for me to knock off thousands upon thousands of words during Novel Writing Month. And now that it matters what words I'm putting down, I'm stressing out just reaching 1000 words.

(when the goal is about 3000.)

And it's worse than that - I've neglected laundry, I've neglected shopping.

I even tried writing at songs today, and every little thing I'm hearing sounds boring and trite.

Gnn!

I.
Am.
Nauseous.

What's going to happen?

j.

Today I'm writing. And thinking of Toni.

Alright - time to get back into the daily blogging.

Today, I am doing my writing assignments for class. It's not yet noon, I've got the day ahead of me, and three assignments to complete before I can forget about class for the week and think about FAWM.

This week's lesson was about character. I'm supposed to write a 500 word piece based loosely around an interesting character I know. I'm also supposed to do a practice critique on a reading that we received.

And then, there's the 15 page piece I'm supposed to write to submit next week. Eep!

I have ideas. Dare I say, good ones? Not exactly sure what I'm doing, but here goes.

Also, the more I find out about Toni Morrison, the more I love. How have I lived so long without her?

jul

What am I doing?

Okay.

(Happy 2009 by the way.)

FAWM is here in a few days. I have a moose-load of ideas all queued up and ready for the starter's gun. I'm thinking I want to try to put something up on the first day, even though I'm working that day. Hm.

BUT.

Today I also started my creative writing class. Ten weeks. And, I signed up to have a 15 page story grilled next week.

A story I haven't written yet.

It's going to be an interesting month.

j.