FAWM - Day 28. The Last Day.

I tend to speak too soon.

I did in this yesterday's case.

I was frustrated with part one of the sound art (I'm not completely happy calling them "songs") that is going to be the first of my last three FAWM songs. I took a break, went into the chat, listened to cool Ben Nolan's podcast. Even called in and chatted with amazing FAWM champion Nancy Rost. That set me right. I went back to the track, added a few blips and bleeps, and suddenly there's a complete composition there.

And, Phil Norman did some great audio as my Dr. Shock Therapy in part two. I'm listening through to a preliminary versions now. The sample was *way* too overdriven and loud, I was troubleshooting with The Cow Exchange. He tried to explain a few things about mixing and mastering, almost none of which I have the knowledge to use well.

Hm. It makes me really want to learn to use my equipment.

So. Last night/this morning, I started assembling the third part of the trilogy. It's mostly one funky bass line, continuous all the way through the song. I lucked out with Drums on Demand, and found the *perfect* drummerly bits. It's probably the funkiest music I've ever made. I need a keyboard horn line, and perhaps some electric guitar strumming during the choruses.

After getting home from work at 9pm tonight, I'll finish assembling, throw down some vocals over it, and that will be FAWM 2009. Yay.

(I contemplated doing a track that was all three songs with transitions in between, but I think I'm getting ahead of myself. Especially with all the writing I have to do for class.)

For some reason, Charlie Cheney's show didn't happen today. It made me sad; it's the last day of summer camp anyway. I don't know what I'm going to do without all those folks as a part of my daily world. That community is so full of love.

j.

FAWM - Day 27. 3pm.

*sigh*

You know how when stuff isn't working out like you wanted it to?

I've started song #1 of my "play," and it's sounding nowhere near as cool as I wanted it to. There's the bassline loop, the main vocal....I don't know. It needs a lot of programming, a lot of...something. I don't know what. This is not cool or interesting.

*sigh* I want to go bury my head in some pillows for a week.

It's 3pm and I barely know what to do with myself. I am utterly uninspired to finish this.

j.

FAWM - Day 26.

Quickly:

Last few minutes of Day 26.
Recorded two songs.
Nancy Rost did THE BUSINESS with my jazz track. It's beautiful.
Burt Meyers is creating an almost folky version of the same song.
Rock opera next.
Why does everyone want to collab NOW?!
(as opposed to, say, earlier in the month?!)
I'm going to see if I can get Phil Norman to be the doctor who gives me electro shock therapy.
TONS AND TONS of work due next week for writing class.
When am I going to do it all?
Dunno.
First - Finish Fawm.

j.

FAWM - Day 25.

Ack.

As I seem to recall, I got a little sloppy toward the end of last year's FAWM too, regarding checking in. How is it that I've missed *TWO* days of check ins?

Well, I spent Monday night pretending to be an R&B pop star based on a challenge from Scott McBride. I made up a ridiculously funny bio to go with it. That was fun, but exhausting. I was up till 4 in the morning, and hit the bed immediately on Tuesday after working all day. Yeesh.

I'm behind. I'm so, so, very behind.

But, this is the weekend, and I'm keen to catch up.

As of now (6:30am), I am nothing like ready for class today. I have a mess of reading to do, and I'm going to ask teacher if I can submit the writing assignment to her via email this Saturday (Sunday might be a better bet).

And! Gasp! I have a booth due next week! Okay, that's crazy. Where is the time going?

Must finish FAWM first. Six songs to go.

I can do it!

j.

FAWM - Day 22.

Today. Was interesting.

Music made me very happy today.

I started off with Siouxsie; I've been listening, gearing up to add Siouxsie-like vocals to a track from Dan Wallbank. I haven't heard Kiss Them For Me, Peekaboo, Shadowtime and Killing Jar for *ages*; those songs make me happier than I realized. Listening to Shadowtime, my heart starts to ache and yearn, my skin started to tingle at the joy of a pop song, well sung.

I got to work and wanted more; thank god A. had his ipod with all my requireds: Kate Bush, Linda Lewis, Tori. I've resisted and resisted, but I need to get one of those things, post haste. I'm having musical whims again, and it would be nice to have my whole CD collection in one place, so that I may indulge them.

Finished the song with Errol, he posted it. Six more to go.

I did less work today than I probably should have. A. also had my albums on his ipod, and god, my second record sounds *good* on that thing. Better than I ever heard it.

It's nearly midnight. I'm feeling like there's something musical I can do before bed.

Hm,
j.

FAWM - Day 21.

Oops. Got sucked into a vortex there and missed a day. *Hate* it when that happens.

I posted two new songs a day ago. Which brings my total up to seven.

That means there's seven more songs to finish. In a week.

I had a mini panic attack in the chatroom yesterday when I realized this, and got some MusicEnergy from some considerate FAWMers.

Had a lovely lunch with Charlie Cheney at Penn Station a couple of days ago, as well. He's a terrific fellow. I'm not sure what I'm going to do without his radio show to tune in to every night.

Okay, so, I'm developing a plan for finishing.

The latest is that I've conceived of a three-song-three-act "play" of sorts. I was calling it a rock opera before, but that's not exactly accurate. It's just a continuous story, over three songs. I was messing around on the Acid Loop site after Burr posted the link for the 8 pack, and I found quite a few things that inspired me on this idea. The main loop for each of the "acts" is chosen already, the lyrics are about 90% finished for each of the song. The idea (Julia, listen hard) is to keep the music tracks simple, and to go heavy on the vocals and sonic atmosphere. Or maybe, not even, depending upon how much time I have left.

I have a collab with Errol and with Dan Wallbank on the horizon as well. And then, there are a couple of songs in my back pocket, pieces from the archive that are waiting to be fleshed out. There's a piano song, that would really love a jazz player, but there are none living in my apartment, currently. I will have to play my simple chords all on my lonesome. Hm.

So. What else?

Dunno. I spent all yesterday in the same position, almost, bent over in song. My ideas overwhelm me sometimes; it's hard to know how to get them all achieved.

I'm giving up on the monster song. By the way, I was totally being a drama queen - there are only about thirty tracks. But, when I opened the file again to open it, about 8 vocal tracks were missing! And what I heard wasn't sounding as good as I remembered.

I'm happy to shelve it. There are other ideas waiting.

j.

FAWM - Day 19. Sigh.

*sigh*

I was up until 4am. The song that I wanted to start and finish never got off the ground. And to be honest, I can't tell you why. Nothing I was doing was working. It was supposed to be a simple little electronic tune that I would bolster with some electric guitars. But, no part I put down worked, Nothing. Nada.

At 4:30 in the morning I turned it all off and went to sleep. I don't think I've ever had a song fail so spectacularly.

And here we are.

I rush out to meet Charlie at noon or thereabouts. I have a couple of songs I'd like to finish today. But my little music heart is so beat up from last night. Let's see what happens.

j.

FAWM - Day 18.

Wow. It's 11:30 at the end of a pretty good day.

Read my 500 word assignment out today in class. Teacher laughed out loud in some parts. She said it was good, but warned me about making a character in a story all repulsive, with no redeeming features whatsoever.

I'm afraid that I ramble when giving critiques. I will try to make next week's critique a little more concise.

All that's left to make the day PERFECT is for me to do up these two new songs I'm conceiving, and to mix the 50 track monster. I spent many potentially productive hours in the chatroom. I love FAWMers, I love chatting with them. I'm not spilling any beans now, but I will say there are some very interesting collaborations in the works.

I always feel like such an adult when I buy things at the store BEFORE I've officially run out of them. It makes me feel like I'm taking care of my own needs in a sharp and timely fashion. Today I bought mushrooms, two packs, while I still had the remainder of a pack of mushrooms still in the fridge. So when I had mushrooms with my turkey burger and used up the pack, I didn't sweat it.

I did forget to buy hummus, though. Which means I will have to go to the store tomorrow. Else, what am I going to do with all this raw cauliflower?

I am having lunch with Charlie Cheney tomorrow, who is slumming it in New York after spending a few days with Bryan Thomas in Albany. Whee!

j.

FAWM - Day 17.

Oh my god.

I am drained at the end of another workweek. My co-workers were FLIPPING OUT today over missed deadlines, botched instructions, etc., and I was right as rain when I walked in, but absorbed all their poisonous energy to the point where I sat in my chair clicking a mouse for four hours straight and now am a slave to run on sentences...

Work *sucked* today.

But, now I'm free. I spent a few hours hanging out in the FAWM chatroom, listening to Charlie's show. Is it sad that I feel good doing all that virtual hanging?

Class tomorrow. I haven't done the 500 word writing yet, but I've done all the reading. I need to make some music. Three songs tomorrow? I can try for that. There are a couple of potential collabs on the horizon, I'm sure I can do them up quickly, if I put my mind to it.

I'm just always feeling like I'm needing sleep.

I'm going to mix my 50-track-neil-gaiman inspired song tomorrow. And do two more. Which ones?

Please, julia, make them simple. Don't get all crazy with the trackage, just do the do. You still have nine songs to do....

(that was me talking to myself. Imploring, begging myself.)

What else?

Nothing?

Okay. G'night.

j.

FAWM - Day 16.

It's 1:30pm.

I'm at work, working, feeling like I want to rip something up.

Another low-key evening last night, not working on music.

I feel the pressure building up again for Wednesday, two stories from classmembers to critique, a reading, and a 500 word writing. Plus, I feel the need to start my Booth story for the second week of March, already. I want it to be FRIGGIN' FABULOUS. That's what I want. Which means at least a week of constant edits. And probably a lifetime of constant edits after that.

I will not let myself get away from music tonight. I need to post songs, SONGS, and so the neil gaiman inspired one will have to be mixed and posted tonight. I probably need to do something simple and acoustic right away, just to right my brain again after all that electronic stuff. I'd also like to revise that other song, maybe re-sing the vocal. I didn't really do it justice.

And then, there's EIGHT more.

So...much...to....do....

I'm bringing my expectations WAY down at this point. I just have to shut the murky feeling monster up and produce, produce, produce.

If you have any ideas for a brilliant piece of fiction I can write, please let me know.

j.

FAWM - Day 15.

Today at work I felt my soul being sucked away, little by little.

I thought about music and listened, a little, to more of the great songs that people have been posting on the FAWM board.

My neil gaiman-inspired song is still waiting in the computer for me, all 50+ tracks of it. I don't know why I'm so afraid of it, or maybe I'm just tired at it. The idea of making sense of all that noise does not feel appealing to me right now.

I'm a little tired of my songs and myself, none of it feels new and exciting enough to bring it to life. This is not a good time to crap out; there are still nine songs to go.

*sigh*


I'm going to go back and make edits to one of the last songs I posted; I think I need to try to make more sense of the dissonance. Now it just sounds like mush.

Spent a lot of time reading today; a process book by Bret Antony Johnson. It's filled with exercises, but not really good at bringing any clarity around the elements of story. I was thinking hard today about the next story I'm going to submit for Booth. Can you plan complexity? I'd like my story to have some complexity. Without...existing yet.

Hm.

j.

FAWM - Day 14.

Gnn.

I am at work. I am frustrated and annoyed. They just upgraded my computer to Vista, AND changed our whole system for logging in and tracking jobs. It's friggin' doing my head in.

FAWM party was yesterday. Couldn't stay long, but got to say hello to the Upper West Side and some fabulously talented people.

I spent yesterday screwing around with Drums on Demand, trying to create a suitable drum bed for a wonky song of mine. Created the track, but someone on the board told me there were too many cymbals. And the vocal sux. Might redo those.

There's another song, the Neil Gaiman inspired track, that I recorded and sung two days ago, but I can't get near it because there are now fifty tracks that I have to somehow put in order. I get tired just thinking about it.

I'm kinda excited about the idea of getting caught up, though. If I conceive of a simple guitar song, and mix that Gaiman monster, then I'll be on track.

The wackily talented Errol sent me some lyrics and a piano figure to work on, and a new track maybe coming in from Dan Wallbank.

Fun times!

j.

FAWM - Day 13.

Drat. I could have sent a Day 12 post a few minutes ago.

*sigh*

Well.

I've been working all day on the sexiest track I've ever created. There is deep, deep groove here, I don't even know how it happened.

This song has been kicking around in pieces for a few years, I guess. It's inspired by Neil Gaiman's Sandman, kind-of a question to him and an answer all at the same time. There are, seriously, like, 35 tracks total. And now I have to go through and strategically bring them in and out. It's going to take an hour. Or maybe hours.

I announced on Charlie's show tonight that I'm going to post four songs tomorrow. Quite ambitious, perhaps. Ack. But, I've been playing around with these four songs in my head all day. The lyrics are finished, and I know how I'm going to approach the recordings of each. That's half the battle.

What was up with the wind today? I'm so sorry I had to be out in the crap. But, I went to my mailbox and picked up the Shannon Wright record I ordered. She's awesome.

Okay. So. I'm off to see the wizard. Cross your fingers for me.

jul

FAWM - Day 11.

Things went really well in class today.

The teacher wrote great things about my story, the class had good things to say about it. There was some constructive criticism as well, but the reaction was overall good. In my fashion, though, I concentrate on the one guy who didn't seem so hot on it. Already I'm day dreaming on trashing his story when it's his turn.

But it's all in my mind. At least I know that.

I also imagined to myself that Teacher was patting me on the head, telling me she liked my story when she really didn't. She seemed to have a more positive reaction to the other people's stories, I didn't get an "it's almost there." Well, my story isn't almost there. I know I have to do more digging.

Some people on the FAWM board do this thing called a "feast", in which they burn through an impossible amount of songs in a very short period of time. Currently, the challenge is 14 songs in 72 hours.

My blood responds to challenges, so immediately I start plotting to win. But, I've got a whole list of songs I really want to do well, and suspect that my time may be better spent taking my time for a job well done.

Hm.

I'm about to be Internet-less for 24 hours (turning my work laptop in for a Vista upgrade), and wonder how productive that will make me.

I may or may not check in tomorrow. If I do, I hope to have at least 3 new songs to post.

wml,
j.

FAWM - Day 10.

Oops! Missed Day 9. See what happens when I take my eyes off the ball?

I was successful at uploading my version of Dan's track. I like the verses, but don't think my chorus is cool enough for Dan's amazing track. It's gotten some positive response, so I guess that's good, and I got to triple track vocals and make big, big harmonies. That was fun.

So, I still have a stack of reading to do for class tomorrow, including a 500 word piece. Yay! Hooray for allnighters, which I will be pulling tonight! Woopee! I'm in high school again!

I have been loving my FAWM. I love all the FAWMers, they're a terrific, talented bunch of people. I was in the chat last night, almost high with the love I was feeling for those people. And I hadn't even had any alcohol. Seriously. I am getting so much pleasure just trolling the boards, reading the forums and listening and commenting on people's songs.

So, here's another crazy push I could make:
I've all but committed to doing a "Feast" on Wednesday through Friday. A "Feast" is a large number of songs written and recording in a short number of time. Tim Wille threw down the gauntlet, to do 14 songs in 72 hours. Which is nuts. But I'm making my lists. I might just try it.

For now, I have to go to work. Ergh.

Not so "gung ho" on work as I am on FAWM, that's for sure.

j.

FAWM - Day 8.

I wanted "unexpected," and I got it.

Dan Wallbank posted a track, and I'm shaping a lyric to fit it. It might be too late at almost 9pm, but I'm going to try to record it when I get home.

It has lots and lots of vocals. I hope I can sing til midnight or so.

I'm kinda excited!

I might check in later or maybe not, depending on what time I get finished.

Drat - AGAIN I forget to eat dinner! What am I going to do with myself?

j.

FAWM - Day 7. End. Tired.

I managed to finish a song today.

I thought it was cheesy, and a little too folk pop, but some nice people said some good things, so maybe I'll rethink that.

It started with a guitar part I've been plunking at. My thin body guitar, my "bedroom" guitar, has crud on the strings, but I used that anyway. Had to do four or five complete passes before I got one without an obnoxious amount of string noise.

(Guitarists, if any of you have any tips for lessening string noise, I would be very grateful to know them.)

I thought the guitar was kinda naked, so I added a pad and some plonky piano. It doesn't sound half bad, actually.

I fully planned on starting at least one more tonight, but I laid down, then opened my eyes two hours later, unable to lift my head. I think it was because I hadn't had dinner, and my blood sugar was past bottom. Ack! I got some coffee and a couple of table spoons of peanut butter.

So.

I had the other two songs I wanted to work on, but I kinda want to pull something out of thin air, for my next trick. The one I did today was kinda mellow, I feel like I want another surprise rock song again. I wish I could rap. Oh my god, the boys at the FAWM site can rap. I wish I could do that.

Work tomorrow. And I must start my reading and critiquing for class on Wednesday. There's a LOT to do.

g'night,
j.

FAWM - Day 7. In the Wee Hours....

It's very nearly 3am on Day 7.

I stayed up to finish a lyric. I've been staring at it obsessively for the past four hours, and I just couldn't go to bed until it was done. Well, it's done. And I plan on recording this song and two others tomorrow. They're all going to be acoustic songs, simple. As quick and dirty as possible. I have some catching up to do.

This is a way cheesy pop song. Ack.

I was on Charlie's online podcast show tonight, sounding like a goofy, giggling sorority girl. I talk way too loud. But, he played my song, and he read out the notes I've been passing around, so I had to call in. Charlie's coming to town next week, can't wait to get together.

I think I may have signed myself up for mini torture next week: 14 songs in 3 days, a gauntlet thrown by Dr. Burr and Tim Wille. Ack! I hope it will serve to focus me. Just have to lower the bar. Even lower than it is now.

j.

FAWM - Day 6. Um....

...Um.

We're midday here.

I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. There are about four songs I'm working on at the same time. None of them are particularly interesting, and I know that's not the point, but it's hard keeping that inner buoy up long enough to finish any of them.

Bad news - I am actually working Sunday. So I have today and tomorrow to do as many songs as possible. Hm. I was shooting for another four, but I'm kinda stalling right now. It would be great to finish two or three.

I had a lovely chicken pesto omelette for breakfast this morning. I'm not the best cook, and am mildly suprised when something I make is really good.

My spelling is getting really bad, along with my handwriting. I pulled out some old songwriting journals, the writing is crystal clear. The current journal is much worse. There are things I've written down that I have just not been able to decipher.

Decline? Is it?

(More importantly, is there a song in it?)

4pm. Lunch?

j.

FAWM - Day 5. (or: *Now* we're cooking with gas.)

So: Today things went right.

I poked a paper clip in my disc drive until suddenly it popped open. Yay!

So I put in a loop CD and went to work. A few hours later --> track.

First song up at the FAWM site, just a few minutes ago. Something completely new, that did not exist before a few hours ago.

Hm.

To my reader in Switzerland who responded to the last post:
Hi. Nice to meet you.
The sign of your exhaustion at reading my blog was, perhaps, a signal that I'm great at communicating how exhausted I was? I hope it passes, too.

Next: Oh god. Could be anything.

I gave a song today to Nancy Rost, a little jazzy thing. I don't do jazz, usually; Nancy is Jazz queen on the FAWM board. I have high hopes.

j.

FAWM - Day 4.

I am so tired. It's not even 8pm yet.

I did finish my story. Turns out I was just warming up on it today. There were a couple of last minute things that came out today that really would have been a basis for improving things if I had thought of them, say, three days ago.

I finished the story, literally, an hour and half before class. I didn't even have a final read through, and there were typos and errors. Not a lot. But a few. That's what happens when you don't have that last look through. I am really embarrassed.

And deflated. I have been reading through the two other stories for Booth next week, and they are really, really good. Complex, layered, lots of action going on (not a lot happens in my story). I have a feeling I'm going to get slaughtered next week.

I will be a brave girl, though. Because that's what I am.

I can't think about FAWMing tonight. I just want some rest.

j.

Ack!

My writing project is due at 2pm.

It's 10:42am, and I have about 1 and 1/4 pages of readable text.

We're hitting eleventh hour here, considering I've still got to get this thing printed.

Okay. It's rock and roll time.


j.

FAWM - Day 3.

Well.

I got a few pennies from heaven in the form of five days straight of not working - some crazy upgrade means that no one can be on their computers this weekend. I decided to take a day off.

There is the not-so-small matter of my story for Booth, which is due tomorrow (I actually get to hear what people think about it in next week's class). I'm nearly proud to say that I'm about two hours of concentrated work away from a bad first draft. I managed to put the pieces in some kind of order while at work today. Now I have to read it through and fill in the holes.

Why am I trepidatious about doing this?

I hate, hate, hate turning in bad writing. But, that's why I signed up, I guess.

But, I turn this puppy in, and I'm not in the Booth again until one month from now, 3/11. That means I can focus on FAWM.

Again I fight the nasty feelings around demoing mediocre songs. But, that's why I signed up, I guess.

It snowed today. It coated everything just long enough for me to get a glimpse of the whitened wreckage outside the World Financial Center. Did a two and a half hour pre training training session that made me want to stick an ice pick in my eye.

Feels good to know that I can hole up at home for a few days.

j.

FAWM - Day 2.

Exhausted.

By work. By thinking. By a lot of things.

The songs started today. They began, with their peeking and poking, prodding and picking. Something's brewing. This may be a radical move, but I think my first song for FAWM will be a song loosely based on one of my favorite films, The Wicker Man. Odd. Odd, odd, odd. I don't write songs like this, ever. But maybe that's what I needed, to get out of my own puny little head and focus on a story that's not my own. Give myself a break from myself.

The Wicker Man. Heh, heh. Again I am thinking of M. We watched it together in a little house in London's East End. It's an incredible film. Lots of great music. He made me a copy of his vinyl of the soundtrack and I forgot it, left it at his place. I have half a mind to write him and ask for my copy....We weren't together long, M. and I. But it was quality time. There are quite a few things he shared with me that became mine.

But, back to the present day.

I am a little worried about my story for Wednesday's class. It's still in pieces all over the place. I've made a play at organization and divided it up into six parts, and will work on it one part at a time.

There are some kick ass artists doing FAWM this year. It's the same every year, but man, am I ever reminded what a talented group of folks that is!

I nearly had a fit at work when I thought I'd lost my scarf. My seven foot long magenta scarf that I knitted myself. It wasn't anywhere to be found as I was packing to go home, and it brought me almost to tears. But. I never put it on this morning. And I'm trying to figure out how that's possible.

The world's going crazy, or I am.

j.

FAWM. Day 1.

The key word of the month is - FLOW.

Say it with me....FFFLLLLLOOOOOOOWWWWWWW.

I went home last night from work, late. Intended to pick a loop from one of my loop CDs and build a track, as quickly as possible. Actually forced myself to turn my equipment on, around eleven.

And...my disc drive wouldn't open.

The drive has stuck before, but it would usually open after one or two (or two or three) presses of the button. This time, no dice. Instead of letting the frustration rise, I resisted my impulse to throw the machine out the window, and I just pulled a loop from one of the songs already on my computer. I happened to be a 6/8. I thought, "I can work with that."

Well, turns out, I couldn't. I played electric guitar until about two thirty in the morning, tried three different chord changes on the electric, NOTHING stuck. I can't really force myself to finish something I don't have my heart in. If the words aren't there, it's hard.

I went to bed and woke this morning, got a couple of song ideas on the acoustic, almost as I was heading out the door to get to work. Yes, it is a touch frustrating. But from my FAWM entries on the blog from last year, I didn't post my first song until Day 6 or 7. There's plenty of time yet.

Then there's the story for Booth on Wednesday.

I printed out the fragile remnants of story I've come up with, and started to handwrite the edits. The story is edging its way toward sense, bit by bit. I just want it to make sense, sometime BEFORE I have to hand out fifteen copies of it on Wednesday.

j.