No-Hesitating Day.

Today was a no-hesitating day.

This morning I did the most difficult thing I've had to do in a while. The sky did not fall down on my head, at all. In fact, the other party involved reacted in the best of all possible ways. I do care about him. Much.

:-)

I saw Taxi Driver for the first time a couple of nights ago. This movie made me understand the whole "Robert De Niro" thing, which I didn't quite get before. It made me think about Catcher in the Rye, Holden Caulfield, and all the other lonely souls I've been communing with lately. How isolated do you have to be before your switch gets flipped and you start to lose it? I worry about that sometimes.

It's nearly 11 o'clock and I'm waiting for a phone call. There's a sweet cat nuzzled beside me and a mountain of things to do. I'm in "get all this shit together" mode. Some important appointments tomorrow, a rehearsal. I would sleep now if I weren't waiting for this mega important call that could keep me up until the wee hours.

I'm going to put on a sweater. It's cold in here.

You know what I need? 30 nights of silent sleep. I've been spending fitful nights with the DVD on in the background, and I need to cut that crap out. Dreams, while not often pleasant, contain some useful information. They're always slightly banged out of shape with Bill Bailey's standup going in the background.

I had a second cup of my favorite coffee tonight, and I'm feeling it, that empty adrenaline surge. Love that caffeine.

If I get home early enough, I'm going to put my computer together. The reason I've been hesitating is that I need to re-jig my music space. I don't know if I should make moderations where it is or move it altogether. I don't have a lot of space to play with either way.

Enough rambling. Off to read. And wait for my call.

jules

Already.

Already there are two things I that I didn't hesitate to do today.

Thank you, Mr. My-Latest-Obsession.

Unfortunately, there is one major thing that I've been hesitating to do. Ack. I'll work on that.

Ack! I'm hesitating! Grumble grumble!

Gnn,

jules

Dr. My-Latest-Obsession.

*sigh*

There's a lot I could say. A lot has happened in the past few days and some of it is not good.

But.

I won't talk about that now. I'll just throw some ions out in the ether in the direction of my latest obsession.

Mr. My-Latest-Obsession. He's startlingly eloquent, he makes delicious word pizzas. Dreams are pepperonis. The guitar riffs are the gooey cheese. But, that testosterone-fueled thought machine ticking inside that beautiful shell is the sauce. He's thrown a few message out into the Space himself. I've read most of them. And I'll respond to them, sort of. Here, where he can't see me. Engage in a one-way conversation.

So, a while back, he said, to someone who wasn't me, but who might as well have been me, that he is cursed with "hesitation."

Yes. That is my diagnosis from back to front. And now that Dr. My-Latest-Obsession has so kindly pointed it out, it's up to me to do something about it.

Thank you, Dr.

j.

Inspiration.

I'm headed over to The Living Room to do some recording with my producer this morning, in a couple of hours. Have been practicing like mad all week.

I have found a man who inspires me.

He is a musician, naturally. But he's also a lightning rod, reaching his arm into the air and channeling electricity down from the heavens with his words. His words make my head spin in a way that it hasn't in a long, long time. The last few days I've been down down down, down, absorbing all I can of him, starving for more. He makes my mouth dry. Makes me want a bigger life, a life that might bring me face to face with him.

I'm wondering if I should stop waking up to the news. It's pretty depressing all the way around.

Here's a positive thing:
I've started exercising again. Even after a couple of weeks I am breathing (and singing) so much better. That's a good thing.

jules

Marching. On.

Hi there.

FAWM/RPM wrap-up: Counting the two co-writes and one remake, I am turning in 13 songs (FAWM's goal is 14). I could have mailed off an "album" for RPM (only 10 songs), but it would have just been a bunch of incongruous material thrown on a CD; I couldn't genuinely call it an album. So I didn't complete RPM.

In the last few days of FAWM, my mind started to rebel against songwriting. I wasn't feeling inspired, at all. I think the week in Canada absorbed much of my creative energy, and my body just resisted writing crap to make a deadline (not that some of the songs I did post weren't crap). Add to that the fact that there are some talented MoFos on that board. Not just songwriters, but players and arrangers as well. Which made me less willing to turn in something that isn't my best work.

But it's a fun, wild, inspired community of people. I am glad to have taken part, and I will again. My goal for next year will be to turn something thoughtful and coherent, keeping February free enough to turn out something special.

There are still three demos left to do (I posted placeholder lyric pages), and I plan to get through them all today.

My computer (complete with Cubase and interface) is arriving today!

My sister is safely installed in Korea. She's got her own room and bathroom, which is just about all a person needs, I think.

Recipe #1: Yesterday I had a craving for dip. I even dreamed about having dip (with crackers, in the kitchen of a 19th century castle, with my younger brother and sister - go figure!). So, I bought the ingredients and made dip for the first time. Nothing fancy, just a spinach dip thrown together with Lipton soup mix, sour cream, mayo and spinach. Mmmmm. Immensely satisfying.

I also got a new fridge. When I came back from Canada, the cooling mechanism on my fridge had busted, and everything inside (not much, to be honest) was nasty and warm. The super brought over a new fridge yesterday. The 45 minutes it took to get all the magnetic poetry off the front door were simultaneously cathartic and sad, as all my poetry from the last couple of years fell away.

The words now wait in a bowl, to be thrown up again in some other order.

Certainly a metaphor for...something.

In nine days I meet again with my producers to chart out the instrumentation and schedule to complete my album.

March, I've decided, is "get my ass to the gym" month.

jules