Not So Bad.

Today was not-so-bad.

Had enough work today to keep me busy. The general angstiness was minimized. Got some good emails, spent some time answering them.

I have to be at work on Wednesday, which makes me slightly resentful (I'm usually not at work on Wednesdays), but I'll live. I'll be loving life on Sunday when I'm sitting around in the sunshine instead of slaving away at work. Yay.

Last night I pulled out "Plot" in the Writer's Digest Fiction Writing series. There's some good info here. I keep coming up with dribs and drabs of plot that I'm tacking on to this NovelMonster I'm creating. Can I really write 100,000 words and have them all point toward the same organizing idea? Will it be any good?

The NaNo board is still not functioning properly, which is a major drag. The camaraderie is two-thirds the fun, and I'm missing it, blathering out my plans and listening to other people's.

Still haven't listening to my album mixes. But I'll do that tonight and tomorrow.

There are friends to meet! Must get the social calendar squared away for this week and next. I'm going to Florida to sing backing vocals on Saturday.

I've hit the moment where I realize that I have 10 things to do, and only 10 minutes left in my shift. And each sentence that I'm typing bears little or no relation to the previous one.

Gotta dash! But I'll be back soon.

jules

Crazy.

I am sitting here at work, trying not to go insane.

For the past few months I have been a camera lens, struggling in and out of focus every minute. I like to think that I'm moving daily toward the life I want, but I also know that I am lazier than I should be.

How do you reconcile that?

Dunno.

I'm just walking around the office, trying to cajole the most busy people into pointless conversations. Sometimes it works, and I succeed in wasting time.

NaNoWriMo isn't loaning me a Neo this year, so I had to take matters into my own hands and try to get one from somewhere else. Seconds ago, I won a Dana on ebay, and I plan on juicing it up. Just how?, maybe you're asking yourself? Heh, heh. Details to come. But I will say, it involves fire engine red. Rrrooowwwwrrrr.

I am poking at the novel plot.

It's still not a plot, as such, just a loose list of characters that I plan on throwing into a soup. I'm not sure if it's going to fly, though. Namely, because you usually need a plot to get a novel off the ground.

So the question of the moment is: How do you take someone potentially reprehensible and make them sympathetic, or even, hilarous?

It's been done before, authors with more skill than myself. The example that calls to me most at the moment is A Confederacy of Dunces, the funniest book I have ever read. Just brilliant. Both Martin Amis and David Foster Wallace have managed to pull off humorous, intelligent ensemble pieces that were Lit Fic-cy, so there isn't a ton of action happening every minute. How do they do that?

I am reading greedily, but not for pleasure. Last night I had to slow myself down...after finishing The Autobiography of Red I tried to move straight on to Nabokov's Despair without a breath. I had to stop, dizzy, like I'd just been running down a hill too fast after eating too much. I feel like I'm cramming for exams, needing to take in as much good writing as possible before November 1st. My fingers itch to write right now, just to get back into the habit of slinging words together again, but I don't want to take a chance on writing something that might end up a part of the novel.

Because that's cheating.

Exams, indeed.

And why do I start every sentence with 'I'? That's not good form at all.

jules

The Difference A Day Makes.

Okay.

I think I'm hatching a plot. Yee!

Well, it's not really a plot as such, yet. What I have are a bunch of characters that I can throw into apparently interesting situations that are loosely related to one another. I've been reading a lot of ensemble pieces that are slightly surreal, post-modern, I think they're called. Martin Amis, David Foster Wallace - they do that kind of thing, and I dig it.

The situations are pretty bleak. Hope I can inject enough humor/absurdity to balance the dreariness. Hm.

Today I walked to the library. I walked for half an hour to the main library, paid the enormous fine I accumulated a year ago, and checked out three books which may or may not be on my list (White Noise, The Autobiography of Red, and Nabokov's Despair). That list needs some serious updating, I'll take care of that tomorrow.

And then I went to the gym and power walked for an hour. My legs are *jumpy*, but it's good.

I got a brand new notebook for my novel notes. Got some bad news today - I can't borrow a Neo (NaNo doesn't lend to the same people two years in a row). Which means I'll have to buy one. There's no way in hell I'll get the kind of word count I need without having a word processing implement with me all the time. But then, the question arises - should I get a Neo, or should I get one of the fancy portaPCs from ebay????

Decisions, decisions.

I'm happy about these character seedlings. This could be good.

jules

Turning On The Heat.

Alright, I'm getting myself back in the habit of blogging daily.

So, now that I know what to expect for NaNo, I have been thinking of ways to turn the heat up and make it extra challenging. For starters, I think I should *double* the word count goal. And then make every Thursday in November a 10K day. That should keep the fire under my ass.

Once I figure out what I'm writing about.

Ack.

This lack-of-plot thing is starting to worry me. It's how I know I'm not a writer at heart, I have no good ideas.

I have a bunch of mixes in hand from my producer. I'm afraid to listen to them, for a few reasons. Tomorrow I'll get a nice glass of wine, turn the lights down low, and listen.

I finished Lolita today. It took me a long, long time to get past the ick factor and get into this book, but I'm glad I stuck with it. Man, Nabokov gets my vote, for turning this vile man into such a sympathetic character. By the end, my heart was breaking for him.

Nabokov - now *there's* a guy who never lacked for literary ideas.

Off to listen
for the plot whisperers,

jules

Something.

Damn, it's been *ages*.

It's been a long long time, even for my standards. I figure I should write in and say...something.

November is coming, faster than I'm comfortable with. I have to write a novel in November, I know. But I have no ideas, not the shell of a worm of an idea. My favorite thing to do is to go to the seventh sanctum's idea generator. Not that that's really helped me think of something to do for November.

I'm trying to recruit my friends to write novels. Because I want company. It's a burgeoning theme - I've been a lone wolf all my life. Now I want my tribe. I want a tribe around me, doing the crazy things I do, with me. I want that.

I'm still making an album. I'm a little closer to finish than when last I wrote, but I'm still not finished. Too much drama to recount here. Hope to be done by October's end.

I have read some good books: Cormac McCarthy's The Road, lots of delicious Martin Amis, I'm reading Nabokov's Lolita.

Have seen some great Netflix: Jan Svankmeyer's films, The Office (UK),

There's some good stuff on YouTube: Bill Maher's Real Time, Sensitive Skin, lots of good political documentaries.

Work is less and less satisfactory. I'm sitting here now, my brain about to explode. Some chance encounters with some of my favorite musicians have left me wanting the lives they lead. They travel and make music and meet each other for coffee while we office drones are wasting our lives in front of computers getting brain cancer.

I don't know.

I promise to write soon. And have something a little more positive to say.

jules

This Week: North Carolina.

This week, we head down to North Carolina in an SUV. To record vocals.

The drive promises to be 10 hours or so. Yay. I *love* long car drives.

I now have my mind squarely on finishing this thing. Which is good. Not everything may be to my liking, and I ponder occasionally on the rightness of that. I'm wondering if I should make a last play to have every little thing changed until I love every little thing. That could take much more money. And another year.

I originally thought I'd do another photoshoot, and hire a designer to do my artwork. BUT. I mocked up a cover, using photos from my last shoot. I like them. I've even come up with a tentative title.

Things are moving, humming, buzzing.

My thoughts turn again to performing live. *sigh*

I wrestle. I wrestle, I wrestle, I wrestle with the live thing. I'm not great at it. It doesn't feel particularly comfortable. But, I know that I get something from performing live that I don't get anywhere else in my life. It's a worthy challenge for me, to do it well. To get up on stage and come off it knowing that I've said what I wanted to say, exactly the way I wanted to say it. And I've had some good shows.

But the taste of the bad ones in the distant past stays with me, sticks in my mouth, lingering and nasty. I know I'll have to get over it - else what's all this album crap leading up to?

Nervous as heck, though.

jules

Will the Real Singer Please Stand Up?

Okay, we've started vocals on the album.

There has been a *major* change of venue for the main vocal session/mixing, we're headed down south to North Carolina in a couple of weeks to work with a friend of my producer. Who is even more anal sonically than my producer is. That should be interesting. So, I will be in NC doing vocals on my birthday, and that suits me down to the ground.

I got a little taste last weekend, we started vocals in the Brooklyn studio. I sang in the basement and shared the room with a few eager mosquitos.

Vocals are a complete mindfuck for me. I only sound a *little* on tape like I do in my head, and I am still getting used to the fact that I will never, never sound as good as I want to, or as good as I think I should. The best I can do is go for the 'tude, which I manage to achieve sometimes. The scratch vocals are pretty damn good, and my producer is lobbying to keep more of those original vocals than I am comfortable with. So, there's a task on my hands, to top those performances.

Gn.

My producer turned me on to Preston Sturges, a *great* writer director in the 40s/50s. The Miracle of Morgan's Creek is a subversive film, the anti-MGM. Wrapped in a slapstick, 40s film package. Very funny and weird at the same time. Also saw Unfaithfully Yours from Preston. Not as successful a film, I believe, but Rex Harrison was good, equal parts 'adoring' and 'nasty piece of work'.

I am currently reading John Biguenet's collection of short stories, The Torturer's Apprentice. This guy hits hard. Even for the stories that only last a couple of pages.

I'm writing songs like a crazy fiend these days, imagining the next musical project I will start after my album is done. Or even, before my album is finished.

Hm,

jules

I Wish I Could Be Less Stressed About Livin'.

This is that point in my "weekend" when I start to feel like a ground sloth.

It's been too hot for me to do anything in my hot little apartment. And now it's Thursday night, and raining, and it feels like I've already lost tomorrow to time, heat, and circumstance. I feel like I've done absolutely nothing.

Except, I haven't been doing nothing.

I (loosely, sloppily) recorded a song this morning. I'm not in love with it, but it is finished, and that's what I'm going for these days. I'm about halfway finished with the lyric of something that's brand new. If all goes well, I'll be putting this baby down tomorrow.

My exercise has suffered a little, but it didn't have to.

I've been thinking, a lot a lot a lot, about Mr. My-Latest-Obsession. And how I can decrease the distance between him and me. To be a stalker is beneath my dignity, but man, I could so, so easily go there. Hm. I'll keep thinking.

Netflix came through for me today - Sling Blade and Prestige tonight.

Hope you're having a good one.

jules

Lock Me In Monologue, Fruity. I'm Going Down.

Have you seen Takashi Miike's Audition?

That movie was my Netflix blip last night; I had to avert my eyes. Homegirl, while certifiably insane, made some interesting points in answer to her cruelty. Still, though. The last fifteen minutes of this movie were damn near impossible.

...Or Kurosawa's Rashomon?

I had to start this over a couple of times before I got to the end, but this movie does make its point in an artful, passionate way. I dig the whole "differing points of view" thing.

I should be heading for the gym right now, so I'll head there. My first exercise in a week. Better be a good one.

x,

jules

I'm Here Wishing (or, A Kiss Blown From The Void.)

Howdy.

(God, who am I saying hi to, anyway?)

Today, I found myself wishing hard to hear from Mr. My-Latest-Obsession (yes, the same guy is *still* my latest obsession). He hasn't written since April, and I check every day.

And then today I remembered, I haven't written in my own blog in donkey's years.

So I'm here, hoping to stir a ripple in the universe.

How are you?

I am good. I am actually good.

*Lots* going on.

The album is going hot and heavy.

We're about 85% of the way there. We should be done with all the recording beginning of August, mixing at the end of August. And then I'll have a record. I am a little bit frightened. There is much to do between then and now, There will be lots of discussion (and maybe a few fights) about final instrument choice, track listing, et cetera.

My producer and I have *very* different musical opinions, I am discovering.

I've also picked up on my health regimen with a great personal trainer. I'm in the gym almost every day. Except for the past week. I've been ill and generally slacking, but I'm picking it back up this week with a vengeance. You just watch me.

Had a nice NaNo-related evening a few weeks ago - Chris Baty was in town. We had an extended chat. Nice guy. I got all fired up again to revise my novel. And even, ahem, think of the one I'm going to be doing this year. Seriously, writing energy is good energy.

So, what else?

My apartment is a mess. I *really* need to do laundry. My cats seem happy enough. There are a thousand things to do. I'm still guarding the flame over a few secret loves. My secret sorrows still throw me into the abyss once in a while, but they number less and less as the days go by.

There are also quite a few beautiful personalities in my life that I am very thankful for.

My sociability level varies wildly. It's almost seasonal. My life, my phone, has been very, very silent since last fall. A recent spate of birthdays and dinners and meetings for tea have picked things up in the past month or so. It's been a joy to get plugged back into the lives of my friends. And to realize that they *are* my friends.

I have been reading, just upgraded to two movies at a time for Netflix, and I have been songwriting. It's hard to give equal time to everything, and to make more hours in the day.

Worth a try, though.

jules